Soul Sisters

When I was in the seventh grade, the rules suddenly changed as to how to navigate friendships with my girlfriends.  It all began when Elizabeth, my very best friend, my BFF, and I set up a time to spend the night together.  No matter who else asked us to spend the night with them, we always saved this time for just the two of us…. We liked to stay over at each other’s houses and enjoyed staying up late talking, playing our favorite Beatles songs and discussing what color of lipstick would look good on us when our parents let us start wearing make-up.  It was a favorite time for us both and we were very loyal to each other; that is until Billy Bob Cameron came into the picture. I wasn’t boy crazy yet nor did I think Elizabeth was, but she turned out to be different than I had counted on.

Elizabeth calls me on Wednesday night and tells me she has a surprise to share with me. Billy Bob had asked her to meet him at the movies on Friday night and her parents had agreed to drive them to the theater and sit in the row behind them. She counted it as her first “date”!! Her excitement was palatable and she acted like this one thing, a boy asking her out on a “date”, was the best thing that had ever happened to her.  I made the conclusion that it was better than the relationship with me.

I never asked her about our previous commitment to spend the night together nor did she ever refer to it.  This was the beginning of a silent agreement between all of us girls.  BFF or not, if a boy asked you out, it was understood that was more important than a previously scheduled time with another girl. I don’t think I was even conscious of forming this new belief; however, it was firmly imprinted in my mind after that night. I got it all right.

As I grew up, the same silent sabotage with my girlfriends continued.  In college, if I was talking and laughing with a girlfriend and a boy wandered up to stop a minute and grace us with his presence, well, we all knew when to back off and forget all about what we were talking about. Let’s face it girls, boys were more important than girls.  But are they now?

As I try to think about today, I hope it is not true; however, I think I used the same secret code after my divorce when I was “dating”.  And yet, who is it I turn to in times of trouble or when I need to talk through something?  I love my husband and talk with him about important aspects of my life; however, as he tells it, his vocabulary as to emotions is much smaller than mine.  It is true what they say that women use about 5,000 words a day and men only use 2,000. We need someone to spend those other 3,000 words with.  It doesn’t have to be an “either-or” situation.  I can respect both men and women in my life and use the same rules with both: respect, honesty, and integrity.

In truth, a close girl-friend relationship is priceless and makes life come together for me. I am grateful for all the women in my life who have supported me and loved me. Sometimes, when a boy had let me down, the arms of my girlfriends were the ones who would hold me and helped me back on my feet.

Here’s to girlfriends as our soul sisters!

 

6 Comments

  1. Janie Hickerson on August 3, 2018 at 8:27 am

    Thanks for sharing your memory about the implicit agreement among girls about boys: if a boy calls, cancel your plans with your girlfriends. . A boy called for a date one time when I was in high school. I was disappointed to tell him no, that i already had plans for Friday night. He was cute, too! And he didn’t follow up with, “how about Saturday?”
    When I told my friends about declining the date to be with them, they said in unison that I was an idiot, that not a single one of them would have turned down a date with a boy for our girls’ night out. I felt stupid…and aware that I had missed a new “truth.”
    That said, a core group of us remained good friends, (and are still), and my best friend and i always had time for each other. Some of the boys remained friends, too. Throughout my life, I’ve been held up by terrific, strong, funny, loyal women who have supported, mentored, and loved me.
    BUT that one moment, almost 50 years ago, that sudden realization that we would pull away from one another to have a date, stays with me. It pains me still. I hope today’s girls don’t see their friendships with one another as disposable when a boy calls.

  2. Alice on August 3, 2018 at 9:55 am

    Love my female friends! I am married for 32 years, but I really treasure my soul sisters

  3. Kim Cooper on August 3, 2018 at 10:36 am

    Hello Soul sisters!

    I love this article. It is so true, there is nothing like a soulful relationship with another woman. They are often so intuitive, the need to complete a thought is not even necessary!

    I would like to come to the retreat I am sure it will be awesome!

    Thank you, for this article. Keep up the good work!

    I Love you all soul sisters!

    • Dr. Jayne Gardner on August 4, 2018 at 9:38 am

      Kim,
      thanks for the encouragement and the showing of our true colors by the support you offered me on the retreat….I am excited about it and eager to make a difference in women’s lives. We all try so hard to be loving and i want to give some of that back now. I hope i can teach women how to love themselves and offer themselves compassion. I hope i can help change the way we talk to ourselves….does that make sense to you?
      love to you and let me know if i can give you more information about the event–i would love to see you there.
      Dr. Jayne

  4. Susan Alexander on August 3, 2018 at 7:57 pm

    Growing up I think it was not quite to such an extent in Australia. If we had made a commitment to someone and the best looking most desirable boy asked us out, we had to stick with the first one. I noticed when I lived in the States in ’83 that people would go with better offers and break commitments. Sadly I think it is now like this in Australia. Susan

    • Dr. Jayne Gardner on August 4, 2018 at 9:36 am

      Susan,

      well i am sad to hear that the shift has also spread to Australia–i always think of your country as more “pure” than ours so i hold it up in the light. I will be visiting you in November of this year–where do you live?
      Thanks so much for sharing about your country–
      In love and light–Dr. Jayne

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