My Biggest Challenge Yet: Every problem has a spiritual solution but what was it?
That damn Science of the Mind book. It was as if it was staring up at me the whole time I was going through the biggest crisis of my life. I felt like it had a face with eyes on the cover, like the Mona Lisa following me where ever I turned. At one point I took it off my desk and put it back in the book shelf right behind my office chair where it was hidden from me.
Go away I told Ernest. I know you are well meaning but this is not the time. As it turned out it was the perfect time, but until now, until this morning, I was not open to hearing from Holmes.
I remember the first time I became aware of Holmes’s philosophy. I had just finished writing my first book. I felt very insecure about publishing. Exposure. How would people feel about me once they knew? I knew it would not bode well with certain strategic people in my life. And so it sat on my desk just like Ernest sat on my desk, in a prominent place where I couldn’t not see it.
My coach at the time had told me that I was caught up in some limiting beliefs. She had said there are spiritual people like you out there, Jayne. Go find them. They will give you courage and support about speaking up and saying what you believe about God.
Sitting in a pew in my first visit to a New Thought Church, I was introduced to Holmes’s philosophy: divine nature is in every man. Each human being is the original creative genius of the universe. I was shaken beyond measure as the book I was having challenges thinking of as important said the same thing but in my words. The words I used in my book, Divine Intelligence are: God is on the inside of you.
As I sat in church that day and learned of Holmes’ teachings, the pew, the smooth flat brown polished wood that so strongly supported me, felt so different than the pew I had sat in growing up in the Methodist church. The foundation under me felt warm and inviting, like the way Holmes tells us in his preface of his book: “Peace be with you, stranger, enter and be not afraid. The room is warm and cheerful and you will find comfort and rest within.”
This was twenty years ago, and I had found comfort, support, and strength for the last twenty years of my life in this book called Science of the Mind. My copy was worn with dog eared pages and copious notes written in the margin. Upon discovery of his works, I had bought everything I could read about Holmes and it was the first thing I turned to when I was confused or faced a challenge in life. It has never let me down. So why was I avoiding it right now in the most challenging moment of my life?
Four torturous weeks had passed since that phone call which had left me hopeless, bereft, and void of any positive supportive thoughts. I still remember where I was sitting, what I had on, and how the sun felt beaming in from a high window in my living room. I was reading; it was Saturday afternoon and there was no place I had to be; nothing I had to do. My favorite place to be safe and secure. The perfect day was going on for me, crowned with a family dinner with my daughter, her partner, and my two adorable grandchildren.
Grandparenthood had come late in life for me. I was twenty years older than my mother when my daughter was born. I had given it up as something I would never experience telling myself it was not as great as my friends all claimed. My protection against a loss. And then the miraculous news: there were two little specks of white light shining out from the sonogram! Two! How could I have been so lucky? And how did I ever think this wasn’t the most fabulous experience in life!
The icing on the cake was the time in the birthing room where the girls’ names were announced to the world. One of those little bundles all curled up in a swaddling blanket was lifted up her name to be announced would take on her great grandfather’s name: Poppy. Poppy Sophia was sound asleep looking very warm and comfy snuggled inside her mother’s arms.
It was the other child who would make such a deep impression upon my soul I would never be the same again. As her mother held her up to her family and announced her name, she was wide awake, reaching her arms out in a great stretch, telling the world I am here and ready to be acknowledged. I can still hear my daughter’s voice saying: And this is Nola Susan, named after her grandmother, Susan Jayne. The best moment in my life! My granddaughter was given my name!
And now 2 years later, I am facing the worst moment in my life. The phone call we all dread and are ever fearful of getting. I heard my daughter’s frantic voice on the phone. What was wrong? My mother’s instinct knew immediately something was terribly wrong.
A mass had been discovered in Nola’s stomach. Her parents were rushing her to the children’s hospital in Dallas. Eventually, they put the ugliest of name on it: cancer.
My career, indeed my life, is based on the premise our thoughts create! I had learned that first from myself only to be validated by Ernest Holmes, and later from many other new thought writers. I had built an entire institute around this New Thought premise. I was a New thought speaker. I trained spiritual coaches. I was a gifted spiritual coach. I wrote spiritual books.
All I could only see was Nola’s little body after surgery so still, white and quiet unlike the lively two-year-old she had been last week. I could close my eyes and see the confused look on her little innocent face when her mother was no longer protective, calming and soothing her from a scrapped knee but was holding her down in seemingly agreement to allow someone in a white lab coat to hurt her with a torturous lab draw or MRI or pull her out of her mother’s arms to go to surgery.
That was when I starting noticing that damn Science of the Mind book sitting on my desk, following me as if it had something to say to me right now.
Ok, Dr. Holmes, I am listening, but I don’t know what you could possibly tell me that would make me feel alive again. If this were me with the cancer, I could use all I know and have learned from you and think myself into health. I know I could do it. But Nola is two years old. How could I ever impact her thinking?
I took his book off my bookshelf and held it in my hands for a while, just feeling the immense weight of it. I didn’t have to open the pages. He began to talk to me anyway:
How to Heal
I want to talk to you for a minute about something I believe: We are all one.
First, I see you as a magnificent example of the perfect and whole person who temporarily doesn’t feel so. First, heal thyself and see yourself in perfect harmony with the One Mind.
I can understand your feelings of “the poor little sick thing.” But this will not help your child. It is the wrong use of thought. The only mental influence operating through this child is a belief in perfection.
We are all one. There is but One Mind. In doing a treatment we do not think of the disease as being connected to the person or a part of the person. To be of help to Nola, you must realize this child is perfect, not needing to be healed of anything.
When you realize there is only One Mind, you shall also realize that mental treatment is a direct statement of belief into Mind, coupled with a realization that the work is already an accomplished fact. The spiritual Nola needs no healing; health is an omnipresent reality and when the obstructions that hinder healing are removed it will be found that health was there all the time. So do not feel you must heal anyone. Your only responsibility is to uncover the Truth.
You and Nola are both in the Universal One Mind. You are in it as Intelligence, Divine Intelligence. The One Mind always accepts your thoughts and acts upon them. Always. Disease without thought could never manifest. You must change your thought about Nola having a disease. Erase the belief from your own mentality and thereby project healing power into Nola’s body.
First, recognize your own perfection and power. You are a part of that greater One Mind. You, yes, you Jayne, can call forth this Greater Mind into individual use. Other individual minds such as Jesus, Buddha, or even what may seem to be other common men, they have used this Mind for a great purpose. You can too. You are a part of the same One Mind as them. You have a Power within you that is superior to your human mind in its creativeness. It is not Human Will Power that will help Nola. It is the realization that you are a part of a greater whole. And that the part that is You is a miniature of the greater perfect One Mind and with the realization of your connection to the Whole, you can use this complete power for good.
then build up the same recognition for the child you are treating.
You must feel not just think of Nola’s wholeness. Energy plus Intelligence. What you think of as Intelligence is a conscious energy working upon unformed substance in accordance with law. When you make a demand upon yourself for Nola, you make a demand on the Universe since it flows through you. Thus, this demand causes the Greater Mind to produce certain things for you. The Mind you use to conceive a perfect Nola is conceived in the Original Mind as you and it are one. This limitless Medium we may use for whatsoever purpose we will if used constructively. The highest Mind and your mind are one. The engine of the Universal Mind must be guided. It is waiting for you to tell it what to do about Nola. This Universal Mind which some call God has unlimited power but only so far as you give it. because feeling is at the center of This Bigger Mind and will shed its glow wherever thought travels. You have to think independently of any existing conditions.
Second, you must elevate your own thought and directly attack the imperfect “thought” that binds the child, recognizing that your word destroys it; and stating that it does. You may then take into account and specifically mention everything that needs to be changed, every so-called broken law or false thought. Say words such as:
To rise above the thoughts of cancer being in Nola’s body is to enter the Field of Causation which makes things new in our experience.
Thirdly, finish your treatment with a realization of peace, remaining for a few moments in silent recognition that your work is done, complete, and perfect.
Sense the Divine Presence in and through Nola at all times. You must realize a certain truth for Nola within yourself. You sow the seed of Nola being perfect health and allow the Creative One Mind to produce the result of Nola’s perfect health.
You don’t have to hold a thought or send out a thought. You have to convince yourself of the perfect health that is Nola. You must know the truth of what you state. You do not treat Nola’s body or her condition. Your work is to believe within your own consciousness of the power of the One Mind.
Jayne, first eliminate these last few weeks of doubt and fear from your own thought. Realize that Nola is a Divine Being and that you can set the law in motion for someone but Nola’s evolution as an individual soul can only happen to the degree that Nola herself allows life to operate through her.
Place your hand in the outstretched hand of the Universe and walk unafraid through this trial with Nola.
Divine Intelligence contacts and communicates with Itself. I speak to you today from that mind of infinite intelligence where you and I both exist.
There is no place in the universe but ourselves that can free us. You must bring yourself to a place in your mind where there is no misfortune, no calamity, no accident, no trouble, no confusion where there is nothing but plenty, peace, and power.
You are bigger than you think. The past 4 weeks you have been isolated from the bigger Mind you are a part of.
You are a wave in an infinite ocean of love, order, and life. I will wash over you and unite you with the truth. That I have never left you because you are a part of me.
I had not cried since hearing the news of Nola. If the tears that flowed from my eyes were any measure of the infiniteness of the ocean crashing over me, then I was one with something bigger than myself.
Today in this moment I felt a part of God. If felt like I was swimming in God. God was crying with me. Big heaves of tears beyond the size and swell of human tears.
I cried more than the tears of the six oceans we have named on this earth. And my tears seemed to mesh with the tears of millions of other grandmothers and mothers who have watched their children suffer and prayed to let it be them.
This wave in me hit the shore with a crash of relief that only being immersed in God can bring you. I knew now as I picked myself off the shore of life that my life would never be the same. I brushed the water off my face and laid myself down for a rest.
Thanks, I wanted to tell Ernest. Thanks for speaking up out that I was part of the universal mind and catching my attention and allowing me to feel for just one long moment that I was one with the all.
It was up to me how I wanted to impact the universal mind with my life. I knew I was to search down and kill all those limiting beliefs that are out there creating such a disease as cancer.
The first thing that popping into my mind on that fateful afternoon is: What thoughts of mine helped create this? Most of them tried to reassure me that I had nothing to do with Nola’s cancer. This is Nola’s life and Nola is creating her own challenges so she can become a strong person. She has the right to choose her life. She had a contract before she ever entered this material world and she must have decided to face cancer.
They were just regurgitating what I had lectured and been sharing with them for over twenty years. But, now I was saying: Really? A two- year old’s thoughts create cancer? My little precious adorable Nola? Theoretically this fit with my beliefs. But now in this moment, I wanted to step backwards into the Methodist Church who had taught me there was a man sitting up in the sky who was in charge and would take care of me. I wanted to plead to God to let me Nola live her life out fully rather than look to myself for any responsibility for an error in my thinking.
There had not been a free moment to absorb the realization that Nola indeed did have cancer. The preceding days had been filled with hospital visits, more tests, more trips to Dallas for visits with specialists about her cancer diagnosis and treatment choices. Family and friends had poured in to help us.
They were gone now. The meals had stopped arriving. There were no messages on Facebook to read; today was the first day I had nothing scheduled to keep me from my thoughts. The quietness settled in. Ernest Holmes would pick today to want to send me a message and want to talk.
To make it go away, I reached out to my editor at Science of the Mind and told her and other contacts there to not expect any writing from me for a while. We were getting ready for an August publication but I felt little passion about proceeding.
“The life force may be the least understood force on earth. William James said that human beings tend to live too far within self-imposed limitations. It is possible that these limits will recede when we respect t more fully the natural drive of the human mind and body toward perfectibility and regeneration.”
The prospect of greater control over cancer via the mind is an exciting one. Research gives us the ability to actually see inside the mind at the cellular level. Now as Holmes says, we must believe what we see.
The power of the mind can be mobilized to fight any disease including cancer. No longer can we say this is false hope or disregard the mind /body connection research. Science is now demonstrating the mind/body’s natural drive toward “perfectibility and regeneration.” We must activate and embrace our true self and embrace our total humanity.
Candace Pert: “In the beginning of my work, I matter of factly presumed that emotions were in the head or the brain….I can no longer make a strong distinction between the brain and the body.”